Handling Coaching Clients with New Year’s Resolutions

Every January, more decisions to think, act and be different are made than at any other time of the year. Gyms fill, visions expand, planners are bought, and coaches hear the familiar phrase: ‘This year will be different.’

And what will most of these decisions come to? Nothing.

Most of them fade long before February even begins.

As coaches, we’ve all experienced a client (or potential client) who arrives filled with enthusiasm about changing their life this year.

Yes, this year it will be different.

They arrive full of motivation, willpower, and the belief that if they just try hard enough, they can finally create the change they’ve never been able to make before.

Oooooof!

Can you feel the heaviness underneath the excitement?

It’s there because the client is overestimating the strength of their willpower and underestimating the years of ingrained patterns beneath it. Patterns shaped by character, experience, success, fear, and everything in between.

There is hope, however – because the way out is through.

The way out is through…

How we are able to be of service to others depends as much on our own journey into ourselves as it does on our mastery of the technical skills of coaching.

By being willing to go on our own journey of discovery, we empower and inspire our clients to do the same. Our willingness to do our own work opens the door for us to serve our clients more fully.

Working with clients on each of the layers described below is beneficial; however, when we work on the deeper layer, the impact is far greater.

The First Layer – Thoughts and Feelings

We can help our clients begin to notice the impact of relying on willpower alone. That impact shows up in their thoughts, their feelings, and in the results they are – or are not – achieving.

We may suspect that willpower alone will not be enough to lead them to success.

But woe to the coach who steers their client toward the bright skies of success with well-intended answers or clever ideas. Doing so only robs the client of an opportunity to grow in the area of greatest value: self-knowledge.

We must allow the client to experience the impact of their current patterns of thought and action.

To observe these patterns.

To see their consequences.

And, through our questioning and feedback, to find insight there.

From this will come the energy and openness required to discover new ideas, new thoughts and new ways of working.

The Deeper Layer – Beliefs and Values

Certified coaches know that thoughts and feelings emerge from something deeper: our beliefs about what truly matters. Those things we call values.

Attached to many of our highest values are beliefs that do not reflect reality as it truly is. These are the beliefs that quietly undermine change. Perhaps a client values health because they are experiencing the impact of a sedentary lifestyle.

A belief such as ‘It’s such an uphill struggle… I don’t think I’ll ever make it’ will only hinder progress by generating discouraging thoughts and feelings – and ultimately, inaction.

Here, deeper coaching begins.

We help by sitting with our clients in their emotionally “hot” places.

By encouraging them to look where they’ve been hesitant to look.

By gently guiding attention toward the part of themselves they have been steadfastly avoiding.

It is here that their breakthrough lies.

As Robert Frost penned, ‘The best way out is always through.’

By creating a safe and trusting space, our clients gain the courage and clarity needed to begin dismantling the protections around their hearts. This is the first step in stepping into the fullness of their value.

… to the other side

When clients become more alive to themselves – to their values, beliefs, thoughts and feelings – we begin to see them drawing on resources they never knew they had.

They stop relying solely on willpower and start drawing on something deeper, steadier, and far more powerful.

And so, as a coach, may you reach in and reach out.

May you find the newness that lives within the awkwardness of your own journey to become ever more alive to yourself and awake to others.

If you want to learn to coach at this deeper level, this is exactly the kind of work we teach inside the ICF-accredited Level 1 Certificate in Professional Coaching (CPC).

You’ll learn:

•       how to coach beyond goals and resolutions

•       how to work confidently with beliefs, values and behavioural patterns

•       how to help clients create lasting, meaningful change

•       how to coach with confidence, capability and credibility

If you’d like to become the kind of coach who can guide clients beyond willpower and into genuine transformation, you can learn more about CPC here: https://uae.northpoint.ac/coach-training

References: “A Servant to Servants”, Robert Frost