How You Help People Make Change

Most of us have a natural default. Here's why it matters and what it could tell you about the way you work.

A few years ago (a few more than I am willing to admit) I was offered a place at a university in Australia to train as a teacher.

I knew I wanted to help people. I knew I wanted to work with others in a meaningful way. But something didn't quite connect. I deferred for a year, kept exploring, deferred again and eventually came across coaching, which I had already been dipping into in my work role.

It clicked immediately.

Looking back, I wasn't confused about whether I wanted to help people. I was confused about how I naturally help other people. Once I understood that, the direction became obvious.

That experience is part of why we built the Interpersonal Impact Matrix.

Most of us help people from habit, not choice

Think about the last time someone came to you with a problem. Maybe it was a colleague stuck on a decision. A friend going through something difficult. A client who couldn't see a way forward.

What did you do? Did you ask questions? Offer advice? Try to understand what was really going on beneath the surface? Or did you move quickly towards finding a solution?

Most of us don't think consciously about how we help. We just do what feels natural to us instinctively. We do what we've always done.

But that instinct isn't random; it's a pattern. And it shapes every conversation you have with someone who needs support.

The difference between fixing problems and moving towards goals

One of the most important distinctions in how people help others is this: where does your attention go first?Some people naturally focus on the problem in front of someone - what's gone wrong or what needs to be fixed. This is a valuable perspective. My co-founder Matt told me that in canoeing, if your stroke is slightly uneven, you'll gradually veer off course without realising it. You're moving, you're working hard, but you're drifting sideways. Until someone recognises the problem, you can't correct it.

Others naturally focus on where someone is going - their goals, intentions, and the future they're trying to create. There's value in this too. Keeping with the nautical theme, another colleague of mine puts it this way: without a point on the horizon to focus on, you can fix problems all day - adjusting the sail when the wind changes, shifting your position - without ever knowing whether you've moved in the right direction or not.

Neither is wrong. In fact, the best helping conversations often need both: naming what's not working and knowing where you're trying to go. But most of us have a default and that default shapes the way we show up for others.

The difference between giving answers and creating space

The second key distinction is equally important: how do you intervene?

Some people naturally offer their knowledge, experience and expertise. They see the solution quickly and share it. This can be extraordinarily useful. There are moments when someone genuinely needs an answer, not a question.

But there's something powerful that happens when someone finds the answer for themselves.

I see it with my own daughter: if I give her an answer too easily, it's often gone within moments. But if I can create the conditions for her to work it out herself, it gets embedded. It becomes her own in a way that an answer I hand to her never quite does.

The difference between advice-giving and facilitation isn't about which is better. It's about knowing which is needed and being able to choose.

Four natural helping styles

At the intersection of these two dimensions (where your attention goes and how you intervene) sit four natural helper archetypes.

The Coach Archetype focuses on where someone is going and helps them find their own way there. Coaches resist giving the answer (even when they have it) because the goal is always the other person's own thinking, clarity and capability.

The Mentor Archetype brings knowledge, experience and wisdom to guide others towards their goals. Mentors are comfortable offering their own perspective and sharing what they've lived, because they believe that wisdom, offered well, genuinely helps people grow.

The Consultant Archetype diagnoses problems and delivers expert solutions. Consultants lead with analysis and the focus is on understanding the problem clearly and providing the most effective answer, drawn from knowledge and expertise.

The Therapist Archetype creates the conditions for deeper understanding. Therapists move towards meaning and self-awareness, helping others understand themselves, their patterns and their past, before anything else.

Again, none of these is better than the others, although I do need to openly express my own bias here as someone who is both trained as a coach and trains people to coach. But no one sits entirely in one box. Most of us have a spread across all four, with a natural default that dominates (and often one where we find it less easy to operate).

A word of caution though. Knowing your natural style is a starting point, not a qualification. Someone with a strong Therapist inclination might be a wonderful listener and create real depth in conversations, but that’s different from being a trained therapist. Someone with a Consultant inclination might be excellent at diagnosis and problem-solving, but only in areas where they genuinely have the expertise. 

The archetype describes how you naturally show up. What you do with that is a separate question.

And whichever style feels most natural to you, it’s worth asking: am I defaulting to this because it’s what the person in front of me needs or just because it’s what I’m most comfortable with?

Why this matters more than most people realise

When your natural style matches what the person in front of you needs, the conversation flows. You feel effective and they feel helped.

When it doesn't match, when you default to advice when someone needs space, or to exploration when someone needs direction, the conversation can feel sticky. Like you're working harder than you need to be and that the person you’re helping is getting less than you hoped for.

And there's something else worth naming. Many people in the helping professions - coaches, mentors, trainers, consultants, therapists - aren't always working in the domain they think they are. Many people call themselves coaches but are actually doing mentoring or training. That's not a criticism of any of the archetypes. Each is a valuable and legitimate way of helping people. But there's a real difference between knowing your style and accidentally defaulting to something else.

Awareness changes things. Once you know what you're doing and why, you can start to choose.

Where coaching fits in

Here's something we find consistently in our work at North Point Academy: coaching skills don't just benefit coaches.

A mentor who learns to ask before they tell and to draw out what someone already knows before sharing what they know leaves people more capable, and not just more informed.

A consultant who learns to bring the client into the process, rather than just presenting the solution, finds that their advice actually gets implemented.

A therapist who develops skills in goal-setting and forward movement finds that the depth they already bring becomes even more impactful.

Coaching isn't a style to replace yours. It's a layer that makes whatever style you have more effective. Of the four domains, coaching skills are uniquely transferable and they apply across all of them, widely and readily.

We've been exploring this for a while

The Interpersonal Impact Matrix isn't new. It grew out of years of working with coaches, mentors, consultants, therapists and leaders and trying to understand what actually distinguishes the ways in which people help others.

Back in 2022, my colleague Steve and I recorded a three-part podcast series exploring the framework in depth - what it is, how the four archetypes work, and what to do with your results. If you want to go deeper before or after taking the quiz, these conversations are a great place to start.

Note: these episodes were recorded when the quiz was still in its beta version. The quiz is now live at myimpactprofile.scoreapp.com

• Episode 1: Introducing the Interpersonal Impact Matrix

• Episode 2: Exploring the Matrix

• Episode 3: What Do I Do With My Results?

Want to know your natural helping style?

The quiz takes under five minutes. You'll discover your natural helper archetype, what it means for how you work with people, and how developing coaching skills could deepen your impact, whatever role you're in.

Take the quiz: myimpactprofile.scoreapp.com

If you're curious about what coach training could add to what you already do, find out more about our Certificate in Professional Coaching at North Point Academy: uae.northpoint.ac/coach-training